Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
