Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
