i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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