My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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