I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
