Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What a dumb baby whore.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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