I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Randomize
