I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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