do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
