your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
