I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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