Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
