How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
