Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
