mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
