When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
