I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
