And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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