my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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