never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
