I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
