Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
