wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
