the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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