im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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