I think my fart just growled at me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
