Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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