Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
