My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
