I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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