Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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