And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
