So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
