Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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