the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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