Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
