you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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