conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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