There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
