i jhust puked up my retainher.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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