My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
