your room smells of hookers.
And success
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
