He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
