she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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