i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
