JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
