Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
