i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
