The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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