the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize