Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
