Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
