Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
