Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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