i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
