I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
