he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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