You're my little dorito
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i came on her dog
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
