There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
