umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
