When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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