it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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