Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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