dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
