Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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