The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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