thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
