I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
