I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize