dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
