woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
