If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
