apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize