it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
