Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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