Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
